Why can't I lose weight? 


If you approach a doctor, fitness trainer or a nutrition advisor with a problem regarding weight management - weight loss or obesity, the likelihood of being told that you should eat less and exercise more, is very high.

It was very clear to me already many years ago that weight loss is not just about exercise and healthy eating. The truth is that both are very beneficial. It is something that our body should crave on a daily basis as it is natural to our health. So why is it so difficult for some people to lose weight? And how come there are so many people who regain the lost weight so quickly?

It's because excess weight and obesity are a sign of a deeper issue that we might not be aware of.

Before we start thinking about weight loss, it is important to understand where the excess weight comes from and why we might need it. What is the root cause of our excess weight and what has the excess weight provided us with?

I will explain what is hiding behind the need for excess weight. Every person who has excess weight has a strong need for emotional protection. This person lives in a deep inner uncertainty and insecurity. This might be conscious or subconscious.

Another factor could be self-denial. Denying yourself something you love. Many overweight or obese people don't feel that they deserve what they really want. These people are literally starving emotionally and so their bodies react by "saving" for worse times. And what does the body save and store? Fat.

Another reason could be the need for self-protection, our inner void that needs filling up or the feeling that we cannot fully express ourselves on an emotional level. Food serves as a protection against certain people or situations, a substitute for love or it can manifest our supressed anger or rage.

Every person might have a different root cause and very often there are a few to work through. It is important to find those triggers and release them. It is a systematic process that cannot be rushed. But long lasting results are guaranteed. Any other changes in lifestyle (exercise and the right nourishment) are an extra bonus.

The only way to shed the excess weight is to release the resistance we have when it comes to our weight and physical appearance. Once we understand it and we work through what caused the excess weight, we won't need it any longer. It is that simple.

I would also recommend to pay attention to how you feel while eating. When you chew your food, what thoughts run through your head? Are you worried that you will gain weight? If the answer is yes, then you are creating your reality. People who don't have a healthy relationship with food gain weight no matter what they eat. But there are also people who don't have these negative thoughts. Many of these people enjoy food because they know their physical appearance won't change. It's impossible to lose weight while thinking that you whatever you eat will make you gain weight.

That's why we should question our behaviour towards food. We like to blame our metabolism or genetics but those are not the problem. I often hear 'I take after my mum' but what's really happened is that we have taken on the same behavioural  patterns from our parents. If we blame our genes we will easily fall into the victim trap. And in this case being the victim has a very powerless effect. For many, blaming the genes or metabolism is just a way to escape responsibility.

We have to realise that we are responsible for our own lives and if we have copied our behaviours towards food from our parents, it is of course possible to change them. How many times have you seen a parent give a crying child sugary foods to soothe their pain? Most of us parents don't realise how detrimental comments such as "have chocolate, you'll feel better", can be. By doing this we are teaching our children that whenever we feel pain or discomfort, we can escape it by having certain foods. When we learn this in childhood what relationship with food do we expect to have as adults? This is exactly how addictions start.

When I ask people a question "why do you want to lose weight?", I often hear an answer that a lower weight would make them happier. But doing things that we hate, such as exercise or eating healthy, will never bring us happiness. It is impossible to lose weight this way. Yes, you might lose a bit of weight to start with but how long can you stick to this? This is how people yo yo diet. They give themselves tasks that are way too difficult to achieve and so they feel restricted very soon. If you feel restricted while losing weight, you are losing weight from a resistance perspective.

Similar to when you look at yourself in the mirror and you hate what you see. It will be very difficult to lose weight as you will be losing your weight from a resistance perspective again. And you know the saying.. "what you resist, persists". Therefore I'd like to invite you to focus on what is it that you do love about yourself. Find a positive attitude towards your weight and respect yourself and your body. Only those who love themselves and who want to lose weight to feel good and healthy in their own body, will be able to achieve positive results for a long period of time. Make very small changes that don't feel restrictive and pay attention to how your body reacts to them. 

It's wonderful to see how much our lives change when we start paying attention to what's underneath our behaviours and habits.